Why Parents Should Speak to Their Kids About Bullying

It's probably safe to say that bullying has existed in some form for as long as humans have existed. There are always going to be some individuals who are smaller and weaker than others, and regrettably, there are probably going to be other humans who want to exploit that.

In recent years, many initiatives have appeared that talk about bullying and how to prevent it. It also seems like virtually every TV show in the past couple of decades has had at least one episode that tackles this topic.

If you're a parent, though, you need to do more than rely on the national conversation or popular entertainment forms that mention bullying. You need to take the time to talk to your children about it in a serious way. In this article, we'll explain why talking about bullying with your youngsters is the first step toward preventing it.

You Have to Involve Yourself

One Wisconsin school district has proposed a monetary fine if a child bullies another one at school. The schools will fine the bullying child's parents $50-1,000 depending on the incident's severity.   

It's anybody's guess how successful this is going to be. Presumably, a child's parents won't want to have to pay a fine, so they will talk to their kids about bullying and warn them against it for that reason. The real question, though, is whether that's even the best reason to talk to a child about this ongoing, universal problem.

This school district's approach seems to be at least a little problematic. It's almost as though it's forcing parents to tell their child not to bully anyone for no other reason than because there could be a financial consequence. It's a lot better to tell a child not to bully someone because it's simply the right thing to do.

Compassion and empathy are a couple of the most critical personality traits that a human being can develop. Children shouldn't bully others for that reason more than because there's any money on the line.

You Can Talk to Your Kids About Your Own Experiences

With this in mind, as a parent, you can talk to your kids frankly about bullying once they're old enough to understand what you mean. You can speak to them about teasing, which is verbal bullying. You can talk to them about physical bullying, and you can also talk to them about cyberbullying, which didn't exist in the past, but which has now become increasingly common.

Nearly every parent will have experienced bullying in some way. You might have bullied other kids when you were younger, or vice versa. 

Even if you were one of the rare individuals who was not on either end of the bully-victim relationship, you undoubtedly saw bullying at some point and the effects that it had. Maybe you even still see it in a workplace or elsewhere.

Make Them Understand How Serious This Is

If someone bullied you, you can talk about how upset that made you. Maybe you had to seek therapy for it later in life, or you suffered depression or anxiety because of it. Perhaps you even attempted suicide, or you engaged in cutting or some other self-destructive behavior.

If you bullied other kids, you can tell your children how sorry you are that you behaved that way. You may tell them why you acted like that. Often, kids bully because they learn that behavior from parents, older siblings, or other family members.

Whether you bullied other kids or the opposite was true, you need to impress on your children how much these experiences matter. You often have children who either try to self-harm, or else they grow to adulthood, but their psyches are very fragile because of what happened.

Even if the bully goes on to forget what occurred, their victim might never forget. They may have PTSD that's so severe that it colors their life from that point forward.

Watch Your Child's Behavior

You can also watch your child's behavior from the time that they're young to see whether they have a bullying streak in them or not. Often, you can tell from an early age whether your child wants to engage in that sort of behavior or whether they're more empathetic.

If you do see kids bullying them, then you can remove them from that situation and make sure they find other friends. If they bully others, you can punish them.

The one thing that you can't do is inflict physical punishment, though. Psychologists all agree that violence perpetuates more violence, and if you spank your kid or chastise them even more severely than that, that's more likely to make them bully others, not less.

Can We Ever Get Rid of Bullying?

Bullying is probably something that humans can never completely eradicate. There will likely always be those individuals who like pushing around those who are smaller or less imposing.

However, the earlier you talk to your children about this, and the more emphasis you put on it, the more likely that you can discourage those behaviors. It's when you ignore whatever it is your child is doing that they're likely to end up in one of these situations, regardless of whether they're the one tormenting other kids or it's the other way around.

You can also keep a close eye on your child's social media use. Many psychiatrists feel that some parents are allowing their kids to use social media much too early. Even if a child doesn't come home with some obvious bumps and bruises, they may experience cyberbullying that doesn't have such an immediately noticeable effect.

As for the school district that wants to financially penalize parents for their child's bullying ways, it's an interesting idea but probably misguided. If the parents take an early interest in their child's life and talk to them about kindness and inclusivity, it's nowhere near as likely that they will ever engage in these behaviors.