4 Things to Do Before Filing for a Divorce

I think it is safe to say that divorce is a more difficult decision than a regular break-up. In a regular dating relationship, you usually only have to make the emotional decision to leave the person you may still love deep down, but ending a marriage requires so much more than that. Leaving a person you are married to includes logistical problems than non-marital relationships. 

A person has to look for a lawyer, carefully look through finances, probably find a new place to live. And the steps to this process begin before you are even in the official proceedings of divorcing someone. Depending on how complicated the marriage is and how stubborn individuals are, a divorce can take longer than a year to finalize. 

Making the decision to get a divorce is not an easy one. In some cases, couples have grown dependent upon one another. My partner and I are not married yet, but we have a daughter and have dated for years. Despite not being married yet, he sometimes handles important things for me liking taking the time to check when my car insurance runs out.

After sharing responsibilities with someone for years, it can be complicated, and you may have a hard transitioning back into doing everything on your own. Before you make the decision to file a divorce, there are a few things you need to know or do first. 

#1 - Hire a Good Divorce Attorney 

It may be much easier for you and your spouse to settle all the aspects of divorce without hiring a lawyer, but in most cases, it is better to invest in litigation. Divorces can get messy, and if one partner is not all the way in agreement with getting a divorce, they may make the process intentionally harder. 

To avoid the stress of dealing with a difficult partner alone, hiring a lawyer provides a legal shield for you.

Aside from avoiding unnecessary drama, you need to make sure you file all of the appropriate paperwork. Understanding the law can be difficult if you are not familiar with it, and if you file something wrong, you may have to repay, refile, and wait longer for another appearance in front of a judge. 

When choosing a good divorce attorney, you should pick someone that knows how to settle a divorce quickly and who will be willing to fight for you in court if necessary. 

#2 - Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

There is a certain way that you should tell your husband (or wife) that you think your marriage is over, and you want a divorce. Ideally, you should tell them after you find an attorney but before you actually file. Telling them before you file for divorce gives them the courtesy of emotionally preparing instead of being bombarded by paperwork. 

At some point, you loved your spouse and thought highly of them, so the least you should probably do is sit down to have a conversation with them and explain that you want a divorce. Doing it this way can also make the process of settling a divorce simpler and less chaotic because they will not feel like it was a random attack. 

Alternatively, you want to make sure you have an attorney picked out first in case they do not respond positively to you wanting a divorce. If anything negative happens, or your partner decides they want to fight back against a divorce, you would already have an attorney to help you should any legal issues occur out of informing your spouse you want a divorce.

#3 - Figure out Where You are Financially

Divorcing someone results in you becoming a single-unit thus relying on your own finances. So you want to make sure you are financially stable before filing for divorce. If you are not, then you should take a moment to figure things out. The last thing you want is to be in a difficult position financially throughout divorce proceedings which will probably continue even after your divorce is finalized.

You need to determine what you own, what the marital assets are, and what accounts you two share together. After figuring this out, you should look into any debt and determine what the separate debt you have on your own is and which debt you have accumulated as a unit.

Once you have separated what is yours, your spouse's, and what is both of yours, you need to gather proof of income. During the process of divorce, you may need to present documented proof of which finances belong to which partner. If you both are employed with a salary, you will need to present the court with your most recent pay stubs and income tax return.

Other key steps in this process are to establish credit in your own name and close any joining financial accounts. Establishing credit prepares you ahead of time for living a life as an individual and not as a married couple. If you close accounts before the divorce actually starts, you can avoid the raiding of financial accounts that sometimes happens and stirring up unneeded drama.

Most importantly, you need to make sure you research and evaluate all of the financial risks facing divorce and ensure you are prepared for it. 

#4 - Decide if You are Staying or Moving Out

If you are in an abusive relationship with your spouse, then you should move out as soon as possible. If you are not in any danger, then it may be in your best interest to continue living in your home until after a judge makes final judgments on who gets what. You may feel antsy to start your new life as single and separated; however, leaving may not be in your favor just yet.

If you leave, and your spouse continues paying on your behalf, that may sway the judge against giving you exactly what you wish to get out of the dissolution of the marriage. On another note, if you have children, it may be easier for them to continue living in the same house with both parents as they come to terms with the idea of their family splitting up.

However, if it is just too much strain on you emotionally and mentally to live in the same house as your soon-to-be ex, then you should leave. Divorce affects your health and wellness in many ways. If possible, try to document exactly why you left and any actions of your spouse which made it too difficult for you to stay. 

Imani Francies writes and researches for the car insurance comparison site, CarInsuranceComparison.com. She earned a Bachelor of Arts in Film and Media and specializes in various forms of media marketing.