Allow Your Toddlers To Have Meltdowns: Healthy for Baby, Great Opportunity for Parents

Toddlers should teach the adults a thing or two instead of thinking that toddlers should always learn from the adults.

Tracy Gillet, author of the multi-awarded blog and educational resources guide "Raised Good," described toddlers as brilliant, capable, innocent, living in the present moment, ad most of all, her favorite trait of all - toddlers are authentic.

They are so opposite to the adults. They are unfiltered, unapologetic, and the most honest individuals on earth.

Everyone came from being toddlers. However, adults seem to have amnesia about what it is like to be one - to be vulnerable and dependent, to be constantly learning, to feel one strong, overwhelming emotion, and yet not have the understanding and the tools to handle and manage that emotion.

Instead of being reminded that all of us were once toddlers struggling with how to express feelings, what society and culture choose to see are toddlers throwing tantrums, acting up, being uncivilized, testing our patience, and pushing our buttons. 

As a result, parents feel like they are bad parents who fail because they cannot control their kids. Just so it will not come to situations like this, parents tend to punish, bribe, threaten, or reward, not knowing they are hindering the toddler's natural brain development.

In their brilliance and authenticity, toddlers have become the most misunderstood individuals.

What if their tantrums don't mean something is wrong with them? What if their tantrums mean that nothing needs to be fixed? What if the problem is with the adults - lack of knowledge, understanding, and empathy? And, what if the absence of all these can ultimately ruin your only influence on your child?

Toddlers need the meltdowns

In her article entitled "Toddlers, Meltdowns and Brain Development: Why Parents Need to Ditch Traditional Discipline," Gillet pointed out that tantrums are beyond a toddler's control. When a toddler is having a tantrum, it is not because they are enjoying it or intentionally doing it to manipulate the parents.

The wife and mother explained that toddlers get stressed, too, like adults, as they cope and adapt to life's challenges. However, unlike adults, their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that allows them to express strong emotions verbally, is not yet fully well-developed. Imagine experiencing a strong, intense emotion yet unable to verbalize and manage the emotion.

"When emotions overwhelm a young child, their brain isn't able to maintain rational control. Their physiology helps restore equilibrium by having a meltdown to release their feelings and frustrations. So, mother nature designed toddlers with a foolproof method to release emotional overload: meltdowns (or tantrums)," Gillet revealed.

Read Also: Ways to Soothe a Toddler's Tantrum Without Feeling Bad Yourself

Tantrums, opportunities for parents

Parents should not look at tantrums or meltdowns as a reflection of something wrong with them or that they are failing as a mom or dad. Parents should never forget that what their toddler is going through isn't about them but their toddler's experiences and emotions that their brain cannot understand. What reflects on the parents is the way they react, respond or handle their toddler's tantrums and meltdowns.

Parents should see tantrums and meltdowns as opportunities - to connect and deepen their child's trust toward them, to learn, to lean in, listen and act in the way their toddler needs them to, and opportunity to "up your game as a parent," Gillet declared.

She recalled that the moment she realized all these, her toddler's dread and fear of having a tantrum was gone and replaced with curiosity and wonder. Moreover, she was already expecting them, like how she was expecting her son to be hungry, sleepy, or tired.

In the famous line of Dr. Shefali Tsabury, whose mold-breaking work in conscious and gentle parenting was described as revolutionary, it was expressed that parents should release their attachments to how things should be and accept and surrender to how things are. Respond and act with love and gentleness from that point of view.

Tantrums are not only natural for a toddler to do but also healthy for them. So sit patiently with your child. Embrace them or hold their hand tight. Empathize and observe. Let the toddler feel that you are not judging or rationalizing them, but you are with them in this. Describe the strong emotion being felt that the toddler may grasp it. Acknowledge the emotion and let them feel that the problem will be solved together. Reassure the toddler that you are in charge and you will not leave them alone in this. Let them feel they are loved unconditionally, even if you are going through this.

A precious, gentle reminder from Gillet, "Be the calm in your child's storm."

Related Article: 6 Surprising Reasons Why Tantrums Are a Good Thing