Too Many Instructions at Playtime Affect Mother-Child Relationship

Allowing children to play freely, without controlling or instructing on what they should do during their playtime, is the best way to build a healthy mother-child relationship, researchers say.

A team of researchers from the University of Missouri found that a mother's behavior during playtime influences a child's attitude toward her. According to them, children become more engaged with mothers who are less controlling or directive during their playtime.

For example, mothers often discourage a child from touching the burners on a stove while playing with a kitchen set. This is done in an effort to correct the child and lead him/her in the right path. However, this trend can have a negative impact on the mother-child relationship, the authors say.

"Children flourish when they have opportunities to make choices about what they do, particularly in play situations," Jean Ispa, lead author of the study, said in a news release. "Mothers who are highly directive do not allow that kind of choice. In our study, the children were playing with some toys, and the very directive mothers were making the decisions about how to play, what to play and how quickly to play."

For the study, Ispa and her team analyzed videos that contained mother-child interactions during playtime at different stages of growth (at age one, two, three and five).

Researchers found the trend more common among African-American mothers than European-American mothers and Mexican-American mothers. Mothers were found more directive during the first year and the trend faded away as children became older.

However, researchers found the negative effects of the trend lessening when mothers show more affection toward the child.

"We know that children, regardless of culture, need to feel loved," said Ispa. "Children take in the meaning of what their mothers are trying to do, so if a mom is being very directive and is generally a very warm person, I think the child feels, 'My mom is doing this because she cares about me, and she's trying to do the best for me.' If that warmth is missing, then the child might feel, 'My mom is trying to control me, and I don't like it.'"

The study has been published in Parenting: Science and Practice.