Misunderstandings and Disagreements Over How to Care For Aging Parents Can Ruin Sibling Relationships

Aging Parents Cameron Huddleston mom and dad Caring for aging parents

By Camille Hutchison , Parent Herald Sep 26, 12:41 am

Robin Weeks shared on Fortune Well that when she visited her mother in Tennessee, she witnessed moldy food in the fridge and piles of unpaid bills. She eventually decided to move her mom near her home in Virginia in 2013 so she could take care of her mother well while also seeing her situation as she now lives nearby.

On the other hand, her brothers do not visit her mother that often, which Weeks doesn't like as her mother needs care, being a senior. Because of this, her relationship with her siblings got strained.

Cameron Huddleston, author of "Mom and Dad, We Need to Talk," a book about having difficult conversations with aging parents, said that talking about how to care for their parents can be an issue among siblings as problems and disagreements could arise.

Huddleston explained that she has a younger sister. They did not fight over their mother's care or finances as they managed to get along, especially in terms of their mother's care, adding that parents need communication and proper planning to avoid strained relationships.

How does conflict among sibling arises?

A study from 2020 showed that approximately 19 percent of Americans act as unpaid family caregivers. The stresses and responsibilities of being a caregiver can weigh heavily on family relationships. Research determined that tension between siblings tends to increase when a parent begins to need some level of caregiving.

Most siblings would argue about the right housing choice for parents. If siblings begin to disagree on a certain matter, it can create family rifts that tear a family apart for generations to come. The conflict eventually leads to cutting ties. Siblings usually have a hard time accepting decisions. Sometimes, unknowingly, they cross boundaries that negatively affect their life, particularly their parent's life.

Aging Care suggested having family counseling for siblings' relationships to work. Family therapists can be psychologists, social workers, and other mental health professionals. The third-party guides the relationship to develop a fresh perspective and learn productive ways of communicating with one another. Therapy also helps a family to heal itself and resolve underlying issues.

How to avoid conflicts and straining sibling relationships?

Preparation and cooperation is the main key for siblings to work. Siblings have only one priority which is their parents. Data showed the need to have at least a meeting for family members to discuss their necessities. Such gatherings allow siblings to know different perspectives from siblings, from the eldest to the youngest. Siblings also need to consider that parents need care, and siblings must compromise to give it.

Family members need to clarify the parent's needs and explain all they do. It also allows siblings to learn about the situation, participate in care decisions, and brainstorm regarding d important matters.

Caring is a difficult job, particularly when doing it for a member of the family. Mixed emotions, tiredness, loss, and fear of the future will take a toll on the kindest and most positive person. Siblings must talk about how conflicts must be solved, per Nancy Radford.