You Want Tough Kids? Here's How Children Will Never Learn Resilience And What Parents Must Do

By Amanda Moore, Parent Herald March 16, 04:00 am
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Parents need to guide and support, but never spoon feed, their kids if they want to raise tough and resilient children.
(Photo : Matthew Lloyd/Getty Images for Gagosian Gallery )

It's a harsh world out there and understandably, parents worry about their children's future. Will their kids be tough enough to hurdle the challenges? Will they be resilient enough to bounce through life's curveballs?

There are many ways kids develop resilience. Part of it is inborn and in some cases, their instincts and skills are honed through the guidance of their parents. So, how can moms and dads raise tough kids? Below are the things to avoid as these methods will not teach kids about resilience.

Is the child having a tough time in school? Does she have a difficult teacher or an uncooperative participant in a group project? A rift with a classmate, perhaps? Parents might instinctively want to step up to the rescue and deal with these difficult people but doing so won't teach the child to handle her problems.

It's not right for parents to fight their kids' battles nor make the kids' problems the parents' to fix, according to Honey9. So, parents step back a little and let the children figure it out.

These challenges, while tough, should be taken as opportunities for learning. If a child becomes anxious about school work, then it's the parents' role to help the child figure out what to do and not spoon feed the solutions.

More often, parents ask the "why" questions when the more important question to be asked is "how," as in "How might you handle that?" according to Psych Central. "How" questions help children develop better decision-making skills and form critical thinking skills.

Expecting the child to get solutions right the first time will only bring disappointments. Parents must then expect the child will sometimes make bad decisions or fail but this also becomes a teaching moment. Failures help the child understand consequences, which in turn pushes them to make better choices in their next steps so they won't make the same mistakes.

Parents must also be good role models of resilience. "You cannot say to a child you want them to control their emotions, while you yourself are flipping out," psychotherapist Lynn Lyons said. Learn more tips on teaching kids resilience in this video below.

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