Marrying your first boyfriend or girlfriend is quite romantic. Having an ex, though, or a number of them gives you experiences to learn from.
To think and say that "past is past" sounds appropriate. But believe me, sometimes it's nothing more than a cliché -- overused and abused -- while it doesn't really speak of the truth inside your heart. If you have an ex, chances are, you have struggled with a few recurring dreams about the unforgettable guy or lady from your past. You may have wondered how it would feel to see him or her again, now that you are happily married.
Guess what, the real test whether you have moved on or not doesn't actually lie on having a new partner or a spouse. An unplanned personal encounter will reveal the real score.
Several years ago, I happened to meet my ex-boyfriend in the training center where my family and I were supposed to attend a three-month training school. He was not one of our fellow students, but unfortunately, he served as interpreter to one of our couple classmates. Somehow, I knew it that I would see him there, but I wasn't expecting he would be a part of the school.
Taking things lightly, my husband started teasing me about how I would feel and respond to the situation. We had actually gotten married a little more than a year after the breakup. My ex did, three or four years later.
How do you think it would feel to see him again with the fact that our relationship had ended only through a series of communication by phone calls and letters (via snail mails)? As far as I knew, I had completely released forgiveness and let bygones be bygones despite the lack of a formal breakup.
The first time I saw him in eight years, nonetheless, I just couldn't explain how awkward and uncomfortable it was. I must admit having mixed feelings.... Angry? Yes, for finally seeing the coward -- the man who did not have the guts to break up with me in person. Excited and thrilled? Yes, sort of, because there was still a soft spot in my heart for him.
It was good that my hubby was secure and understanding. He knew it that I was struggling for some time with my mixed emotions. Imagine those moments when I would get to see the wife of my ex. With a bit of jealousy, I would pronounce to myself, "Good for them! They want to have a baby, but until now they are childless." All the while I was so proud then for having a lovely 4-year-old daughter.
Guilty of all my negative thoughts, I consulted a professional counsellor. He was also our speaker in the school during that week. I went on with my confessions: "Eight years ago then, my relationship with my ex was hoped to end up in marriage.... I couldn't help but still be resentful.... Yet at the same time, I would often catch myself secretly staring at him."
The counsellor simply smiled and assured me that what I was going through was normal, considering the lack of a proper closure in my previous relationship. Also, it became clear to me that I had to be released.
Every intimate and serious involvement with the opposite sex creates soul ties that cannot be easily broken by time, distance or mere physical separation. Our soul ties had yet to be cut off, and I learned it could be done through prayer.
We did proceed with verbal and spiritual declarations. I wanted to settle things out with a formal heart to heart talk and tell him right on his face, "I'm releasing you. I'm moving on with my life. I speak blessings to you and your wife." I was told, however, that it was unnecessary.
Now I have friends who think it would have been easier afterwards had I settled for a short talk. But even if I wasn't able to do things as I wanted, it greatly helped bumping into the man who had caused my heartbreak.
With no bitterness and regrets, I can say that I have moved on. I can only look back and smile at the past for all the precious lessons I can now share with others, including my children.