Psychologist Shares Her Way of Indulging Children without Spoiling Them

First-time parents and parents of an only child are more likely to spoil their kids. But, even those with many children can unknowingly spoil a favorite child. So, how can parents avoid falling into the trap of overindulging and ending up with spoiled kids? Experts gave some recommendations.

Science of Indulging without Getting Spoiled Kids

Indulgence feels gratifying both for the receiver and the giver, Livemint revealed. But, in lieu of candy, toys, gadgets, and material incentives, experts say to give something more valuable.

Whereas material rewards result in conditional bonding, what is unseen can teach children how to have an unconditional bond.

Psychologist Shwetambara Sabharwal suggests to put an end to using indulgences as compensations or incentives. Over time, indulging in gifts, foods, and other material requests may lead to emotional and behavioral issues.

The mother of two also confessed to indulging her children, but says she does not use them as rewards. The indulgences are not based on behavior. So what does the psychologist-mom recommend parents to indulge their children?

Indulge Them with Time

While it is difficult to give long hours to children, short periods of conversation can prove beneficial. The psychologist revealed that parents can just sit and listen to their children, often at an appointed time and limited. She suggested informing the kids beforehand how much time you can give. Then, be intentional and fully present.

Another suggestion is to give children gift cards that say "1 hour of crafting or baking with Mommy" or letting them help Daddy prep dinner. Play a board game with them; or better commit to a family game night every week.

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Indulge them with Actions

Some things such as prepping breakfast and doing the kids' laundry are routine for parents. It is the little things they remember. Write letters for them, help them make a card, or do something they need help with.

Indulge them with Acknowledgements

The psychologist highly recommends indulging children with acknowledgment. Rather than simply praise the child, acknowledge them for trying, for their effort, love, and even for being themselves. She also expresses gratitude for learning experiences, including disagreements.

Parents can also teach kids gratitude when they say Thank You to their children often. Thank them for their efforts, be it with thank-you notes or phone calls.

Indulge them with Memories

The founder of Money website revealed spending on stuff do not make kids, or even adults happier. The study Waiting for Merlot revealed that experiential purchases provide longer-lasting happiness compared to material purchases.

The finance expert shared that it is better to give memories through lasting experiences. Give children more non-toy gifts like a visit to a kid-friendly exhibit, ice cream treat, day out with mum or dad, movie night, or a lunch date. She also believes in writing letters or emails whenever a parent has to be away for a long time for work.

Indulge them with Generosity

Teach kids early on how to be charitable. They can pick out a toy to give to a local charity. For older kids, a donation to a charity of their choice can be given in lieu of birthday gifts. Also, find opportunities to teach charity all year round. This can help them understand the value of giving back, and avoid being selfish.

Indulging children in nonmaterial joys is a great way to smother children. Even with limited yet quality time, snuggling on the couch reading books, or popping a bowl of popcorn together goes a long way. This way, kids will forgo toys, gadgets, and other material requests for a genuine parent-child relationship.

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