Sibling Rivalry: As Explained by Experts and How to Deal With It

Sometimes, parents think that they have done something wrong when they find their children fighting and screaming at each other.

However, Jeanine Vivona, a psychology teacher at The College of New Jersey, who studied sibling rivalry, said that this is just a fact of life. That people with siblings and people with children can just try to manage it as best as possible and not beat themselves up for it. 

While parents want to know how to stop sibling rivalry between their kids, experts say it serves as a growth purpose. 

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They say that it helps children figure out what is unique about themselves. Because children want to be seen as the most special by their parents, they will always push for better treatment over their siblings. Thus, they may also shape their interests and personalities around their siblings' skills and wants. 

How often can sibling rivalry happen?

Also, based on studies, sibling conflict may happen up to eight times an hour. They say that early and middle childhood are certainly hard times for sibling conflicts. But, experts say that such a conflict does lessen when children get older. 

Even though sibling rivalry is normal and expected, this does not mean that there are no ways to stop sibling rivalry or reduce it. 

How to stop sibling rivalry

Here are 5 tips from experts on how to stop sibling rivalry between your children to help parents. 

Know what sets them off

One way to stop sibling rivalry is to pay attention to what happens before conflicts break out. 

Listen for certain words or tones of their voices that they use that are combative, and try to come in between before it grows into a fight. 

Help them learn how to resolve their conflict

Once their feelings and tempers have settled, try to make them sit down and talk about the problem and what happened without blaming and accusing them. 

Give them a chance to talk without butting in, and have them try to come up with solutions themselves. 

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Praise them in public and punish them in private

If your kids are doing great and are being kind to each other, praise them loudly. 

However, if you call them out, try to do it outside of the child's earshot because their sibling may use it against them. Older children will take every chance to boss their little siblings around. 

Try to find moments where they can all come together

One way to stop sibling rivalry is to find common activities that will allow everyone to be flexible and feel connected. 

This can simply be watching movies, although conflict may still arise when you're choosing what film to watch. At the end of it all, they will learn valuable skills like a compromise. 

A tip specified for the pandemic

They are all spending more time with each other indoors. So, some of those conflicts can be solved by telling your kids to go outside and run around your house. Such activity can help lighten and change their moods.

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