Disneyland Parent Trap: How To Avoid Ruining Your Relationship With the Kids Post-Divorce

Couples who divorce and agree to a custody arrangement have another issue when one parent becomes a Disneyland parent. Defined as the mom or dad who does not have physical custody of the kids following a court order, a Disneyland parent is usually the one who indulges the children with fun, play, and gifts, while the other parent becomes the strict enforcer.

In a co-parenting scenario, non-custodial parents often fall into this trap because it's natural for them to feel they need to make up to their kids if they miss visits or important occasions. However, Disneyland parents, who often have their kids for the weekends only, could eventually have a dysfunctional relationship with their children if they don't change their ways.

A Disneyland parent might have good intentions to appease their kids, but they are missing out on many other aspects of actual parenting, such as tucking their kids to bed, helping the children with their homework, or teaching their children values that they can carry on as adults.

Involvement, Consistency, Communication

Despite how much Disneyland parents indulge their kids with expensive and extravagant gifts, the experts said that a parent's involvement leaves lasting imprints in the children's memories. So, the non-custodial mom or dad has to be there for significant events, even if it's not their court-mandated day with the children.

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According to a study in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, children also crave consistency and expect parents to keep their promises. So, whether it's a simple statement saying that a father will call his daughter after work, this promise must be followed through.

Quality time is crucial to the children's relationship with their parents. So, when the non-custodial parent has the kids over, they expect a focused one-on-one time. The parent must make an effort to take work off the schedule and put the kids first.

If the children are old enough, it will help to ask them what they want to do if they come over for a visit. It shows the children that their mom or dad respects their choices, as well as the short time they spend together.

The kids also cherish the conversations they have with their parents. No matter the age, every child needs to have a good talk with their mom or dad, especially if they are going through a tough phase. To avoid falling into the Disneyland parenting trap, a mother or father has to have an open-door policy with their children in that they must always be able to approach their parents when they need to talk.

Not a Competition

For some parents who only see their kids during weekends, this arrangement feels like competition with the other parent. In some cases, they are motivated to pour gifts on their kids as a form of revenge. However, children are very perceptive even with their young minds. They will see through the parent's motives, especially if they lack involvement, consistency, and communication.

Disneyland parents need to realize that there is no competition, and competing with the other parent will only create a stressful environment post-divorce. It will make the child feel uncomfortable, unsafe, and disconnected. According to the Journal of Child and Family Studies, it may also cause disciplinary problems in the kids who might act out and use their parents' competitiveness with each other for their benefit.

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