Mom Says Toxic Mother-in-Law Sent Christmas Card That Was Like an Invoice for What She Spent for the Family

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By Lili Scott , Parent Herald Dec 29, 09:41 am

Photo: (Photo : Rosie Greenway/Getty Images)

A toxic mother-in-law is described as entitled, judgmental, overbearing, and will not respect the parenting decisions of their adult children, and that seems to be the case for one mom after she got a Christmas card from her MIL.

The woman showed the Christmas card from her toxic mother-in-law in a now-deleted TikTok entry. It had an itemized list of the stuff the MIL spent for the family for the entire year. She listed down that she paid for their electric bill and telecom subscriptions, rounding up her total spending at almost $700.

Instead of telling them or her son that she won't be giving Christmas presents or that she has given the family more than enough for the year, the MIL chose to send a card with the itemized list that looked like an invoice. The mom resented her MIL's behavior but was not surprised by it.

Reminding Them of How Much She Helped

The mom further explained that her toxic mother-in-law has been helping them with the expenses because she and her husband lost their jobs during the pandemic. While she said her help has been "amazing" for their family, her MIL could not resist reminding them of how much she has done.

"She literally could just, I don't know, not give us [a gift] or just wish us a Merry Christmas," the woman said.

Commenters told the mom that they needed to cut off from the MIL and find a better way of earning money so they wouldn't have to depend on her. Other TikTok users also shared their experiences with their toxic mothers-in-law.

One mom shared that her MIL showered her biological grandkids only with gifts for Christmas but ignored the other children in their blended family. She and her husband have talked to MIL about her favoritism and unfair treatment, but she refused to acknowledge her actions and claimed that her son has been "brainwashed." The mom decided to block her from all of her social media accounts.

Stronger Maternal Authority

Meanwhile, another woman shared on Reddit that she has banned her toxic mother-in-law from babysitting her baby girl after she learned of her plans to have her ears pierced. The woman said that she discussed this with her MIL and made it clear that the ear piercing will be her daughter's decision when she's at least 10 years old.

However, her MIL won't let this go and has been trying to make plans to have her alone time with the baby. The mom said that she could not trust her MIL, but her sisters-in-law felt that she was overreacting.

In the book "What Do You Want From Me? Learning to Get Along with In-laws," experts noted that 60 percent of relationships with mothers-in-law are defined in negative terms. That's because it's harder for a woman to just step back and let someone else take charge. The experts said that mothers-in-law have stronger maternal authority that the younger mom could challenge.

It's a cycle that happens with many families and can't be corrected if the people involved don't want to change their ways. Other factors that impact the mother-in-law relationships include differences in culture, background, upbringing, and personality.