Separate Sleeping Arrangement: Hubby Sleeps in Tent, Wife in Bed, but Still Happily Married

Is having a separate sleeping arrangement an indication of a rocky marriage? This couple disagrees.

Athlete and podcaster Rich Roll sleeps in a tent outside their home in the Malibu Canyon neighborhood near Los Angeles, while his wife sleeps in the comforts of her room. Roll says his 20-year relationship with his wife, Julie Piatt, "is strong" despite this unconventional sleeping arrangement.

Roll, a 55-year-old athlete, admitted that he has slept in a tent outside his home for about two years. The set-up allows him to have a night of better sleep, connect with nature and support his body regimen.

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Navigating marriage through sleeping arrangements

Before Roll slept outside of his house, he slept inside with Piatt, who prefers a warmer sleeping place. "No matter how much we would try to compromise to make it good for both of us, Julie would always be bundled up under a ton of covers, and I'm sleeping on top of the covers sweating," he said. The couple would then end up not sleeping well and unhappy.

One day, the couple had an outdoor movie night on the flat roof with the kids. The family ate popcorn, projected movies, and eventually settled in their sleeping bags for the night. Roll recalled that he woke up the next day feeling amazing with the outdoor air and cool desert air of Los Angeles. "I can't remember the last time I slept so well," Roll said.

Hence, the nightly sleep-outs started. He eventually set up a tent on the roof and then moved it in the yard. The tent now has a mattress and plenty of blankets to keep him warm enough. "It's really been beneficial to my sleep," he said.

For the couple, their unconventional sleeping arrangement improved their relationship. The separate sleeping arrangement helps the couple sleep better, making them happier when they wake up and thus enhancing their relationship.

Showing love in other ways

Although many people would find this arrangement shocking, two separate surveys conducted in 2012 and 2017 revealed that 1 in 4 couples now sleep in separate beds.

Despite the increasing changes in the sleeping arrangement, Dr. Meir Kryger, a professor of medicine at Yale's School of Medicine, said, "there's still shame attached to it for some people because of how taboo the topic is."

Experts agree that sleeping may impact the family as a whole. Kryger said he has met with families where children wondered if sleeping apart means they're not in love anymore. It has caused embarrassment, insecurities, or concerns for the kids. Hence, it is crucial to address the sleeping arrangements, Kryger advised. 

Kryger stressed that no studies indicate that couples sleeping on separate beds have a rocky relationship. He, however, suggests that parents explain their unconventional sleeping arrangements to kids and assure them that their marriage is strong by showing affection, love, and respect for each other.

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