Can Gentle Parenting Make You A Better Parent?

By Jo Anne Hubert , Parent Herald Aug 16, 09:28 am

Photo: (Photo : Pexel/Andrea Piacquadio)

While there is no perfect way, method, and guidelines for raising children, parents may choose a particular method over another that is better and more effective in terms of their priorities, values, and family culture, and that can bring out the best in both children and parents. For parents who strongly prioritize respect and partnership in their parenting, the gentle parenting method may be the answer to their hearts' desires.

British child care expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith coined the name "Gentle Parenting." She authored "The Gentle Parenting Book," where she introduced this parenting style that helps parents build a relationship with their children based on their willingness and choices, instead of the parent's expectations and rules. It is simply about recognizing children as individuals or human beings, the same as the parents, and responding to what they need,

The conservative, old-school, authoritarian parenting is more about using parental control and punishment as tools. Children are taught and expected to behave in ways acceptable to how society wants them to live. If they deviate or don't behave, they're pressured to adjust their behavior or there will be punishment. On the other hand, gentle parenting utilizes and values connection, communication, and consistency as tools.

According to Healthline, this parenting style is built on the foundation of understanding the kids, empathizing with them. respecting them, and all these within a set of boundaries.

The Hows and Whys of Gentle Parenting

The National Scientific Council on the Developing Child stated that early childhood experiences can have a lasting impact on the child's health, behavior, and learning abilities later in life. Early childhood is crucial as it can provide a "pivotal window of opportunity for positive and negative impact." Gentle parenting believes and understands this well. Thus, its strategies and tools make sure that the early experiences of the child with his/her parents and at home, his first environment, will mostly have more positive impacts than negative

Forbes Health enumerated the benefits of this parenting method based on the current research made by the organization above:

There is a decrease in the risk of childhood depression. Research showed that kids raised through gentle parenting showed lower rates of depression as compared to children raised with the more authoritarian child-rearing approach.
Children have better self-regulation. "One longitudinal study suggested that gentle parenting may bolster what early childhood experts call "effortful control," or the ability to master self-regulatory tasks like focusing despite distractions," the study stated.
Children raised under gentle parenting are highly possible to become school achievers.
There is a stronger bond between parent and child. Gentle parenting promotes and builds secure attachment. Research shows that children display more curiosity, self-reliance, and independence when they have a secure attachment with their parents.

With all these wonderful benefits presented, the next question would be how to practice this parenting style. Forbes Health continued and suggested that parents should start with these

To start practicing gentle parenting, begin by adopting the three basic principles of the philosophy:

1. Respond to Behaviors

An important aspect of gentle parenting is the way parents respond to their child's behavior. Thus, knowing what happened before and after misbehaving leads to understanding and responding differently and gently to the child's behavior. Being able to pinpoint their child's trigger can lessen troublesome responses and behaviors.

2. Implement the 'Time In' Approach

Parents are encouraged to have a regular time for active play with their children, where the latter are allowed to lead the way. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) suggested, "Taking this time and following your child's cues in play fosters language development and physical, emotional and social wellness. As children grow, this time evolves from active play to an invitation for open and honest conversation."

3. Use Praise to Your Advantage

Affirmations from parents can bring the child a long way into a life of confidence, positivity, and gratefulness. Utilize praise to encourage the good and loving behaviors of your child. Taking the focus off from negative conduct and offering praise for positive behavior can reinforce and promote desirable actions again and again in the future.

Gentle Parenting not for the Weak of Hearts

Gentle parenting is a wonderful method with loads of promising benefits and effects, but do know that it is not for the weak of hearts.

A certified parenting coach in Orange County, California, and the founder of Latinx Parenting, Leslie Priscilla Arreola-Hillenbrand, has this to say about the method, "It's not all rainbows and lollipops. [Gentle parenting] can get very gritty and messy and there are real challenges that come up to work through.

Moreover, as Fatherly put it, gentle parenting may be regarded as the healthiest as compared to other methods, yet this trending parenting approach requires a lot of patience from the parents as compared to others. It is the shift from demanding from your kids what you want through punishment to unlearning controlling parenting habits they have experienced when they were children and learning how to be calm and patient toward their children.

"Gentle parenting is not for the faint of heart. Most of our families are really screwed up. So we, in turn, are screwed up. Gentle parenting is really hard work because, in order to treat our kids kindly, we almost have to reparent ourselves and understand our baggage and understand what makes us who we are," Ockwell-Smith explained.

Parents can only practice gentle parenting when they get to be gentle and kind to themselves.