Kids With Toxic Friends? What Parents Need To Do To Protect Their Children

kids with toxic friends toxic friends make new friends complicated relationship low self-esteem Friendship Ann-Louise Lockhart toxic friendship Erin Leonard cutting off friendship James Lehman teenagers tweens

By Lili Scott , Parent Herald Aug 25, 12:10 pm

Parents always hope their children will find the right crowd as they learn to make new friends and expand their social circle. But as with any relationship, forging friendships can be very complicated, especially if the kids meet toxic friends.

Children with toxic friends may often feel bad about themselves and develop low self-esteem because the "frenemy manipulates them." One parent shared her daughter had such a controlling friend who would exclude or put down those who do not follow the stuff she imposes, such as what they should wear or where they must eat at school.

Pediatric psychologist Ann-Louise Lockhart said via HuffPost that toxic friends display a "repetitive, ongoing, consistent" behavior of belittling and insulting their peers. They might apologize for what they did, but they will not stop with the bad behavior.

Lockhart said that adults see through this offensive behavior, but children do not have such emotional maturity yet. Even the toxic kids are unaware of how much their actions affect those around them.

Supporting your children with a toxic friend

Any parent's first instinct is to shield their children from a toxic friend. They might tell the kids to stop hanging out with a friend with bad behavior. However, psychotherapist Erin Leonard told Pure Wow that cutting off a friendship is "rarely effective" because, from a child's perspective, they will feel better off having a toxic friend than having no friends.

Parents can't also pick the friends their children want to hang out with, especially if they are at that stage when they see their friends as the only people who can understand them. It will also not work if a parent constantly criticizes their children's friends.

Expert James Lehman said that some children would see the criticisms as an attack on their choices. After all, the saying, "birds of a feather do flock together," applies to many friendships. Lehman believes that some kids could even be pushed to stay with a toxic friend because it adds to the appeal of the relationship when they are pals with someone their parents disapprove of.

Parents of kids with toxic friends need to listen to and validate their children's feelings and struggles and ensure the doors of communication remain open. If the tween or teen is having a hard time understanding a toxic friend, then the parents can provide emotional support and take this chance to discuss their ideals of a friendship.

They can ask open-ended questions that will give their kids time to reflect. Once the kids see how draining it is to be in the company of a toxic friend, it will be easier for them to break away.

Exposing the children to other activities

Parents may also encourage their children to seek out other friends by exposing them to other activities. Perhaps the kids are interested in joining a choir, a dance club, or sports, where they won't have to hang out with the toxic friend.

According to Psychology Today, if the kids experience a different kind of camaraderie that is not associated with the toxic friend, they could gain more insights and learn to differentiate between a healthy and a bad friendship. Exposure to other people will also help the children avoid getting manipulated by another person.