5 Strategies for Dealing with Difficult Relatives

Dealing with Difficult Relatives difficult relatives family members difficult family heated discussions family conflict Christine Carter Sarah Geringer personal growth family relatives

By Lili Scott , Parent Herald Aug 28, 08:50 pm

Of all the difficult people to deal with, family members are the hardest to shake off. Because of your intricate bond, you may be obligated to maintain a relationship with a relative.

However, dealing with a problematic family member may often mean taking the high road, even though you're ready to pounce on someone. Whatever the case, you can't always avoid interacting with this relative, so do what's best and control what you can - yourself.

Here are some strategies:

1. Don't be afraid to say no.

It's OK to refuse an invitation knowing that you could be interacting with the problematic relative again. If you're not comfortable with that, skipping family events is not about your disinterest, even if it's tradition. Instead, it is about protecting your peace and avoiding any resentment.

However, be sure to clarify to the family member extending the invitation why you can't join this time without elaborating on the full details. Staying true to what you believe in will give you more integrity.

2. Resist the bait.

Sometimes, difficult people provoke and push buttons as a cry for attention. Instead of engaging, resist the urge to take the bait to avoid a conflict. Don't react to avoid a drama that will reinforce their behavior.

According to Medium, putting boundaries and not allowing people to cross the line with you is about taking your power back. You can't let people ruin your day, even if they are family.

3. Keep your emotions in check.

If you have to spend time with a difficult relative, be mindful of your stress levels. If you're feeling emotional and affected, especially if you're sensing a heated discussion, excuse yourself from the situation and find a quiet spot to do relaxation techniques. You can say you're feeling overwhelmed, but you will be willing to discuss this at another time.

For mom Sarah Geringer, taking a break from a difficult person allows her to "create space for forgiveness and peace" as she doesn't want her bitterness towards this relative to build up. Being mindful of your emotions and feelings is also a good strategy for your personal growth and maturity.

4. Recognize that it's not about you.

Don't take things personally with a difficult relative. Their negativity does not reflect you nor represent your life. They are aggravating you as this is likely their way of dealing with their own shortcomings or insecurities in life.

5. If all else fails, accept.

The saying "What we resist, persists" rings true for dealing with difficult relatives. You'd be surprised to find less tension and stress if you start accepting the person for who they are and forget about changing their outlook and behavior. Also, temper your expectations to avoid disappointments with a problematic family member.

Christine Carter, a sociologist from the University of California, said that one approach to acceptance is empathy and acknowledging the relative's point of view without judging or correcting, even if you disagree. Using this approach will make the person less complicated because you listened and made them feel understood.