Theybies: How to Raise a Child Without Imposing Gender Identities

Nate and Julia Sharp told NBC News that their three-year-old twins, Zyler and Kadyn Shape, are the only ones who can decide on their gender. The Cambridge Massachusets couple only represents the tiny group of parents raising "theybies" or kids brought up without gender designation. These parents belong to a community on Facebook with 220 members across the United States.

Nate said that "theyby" is different things to different people. For them, it only means raising kids with gender-neutral pronouns such as "them," "they," and "their" instead of assigning children "he," "she," "him," and "her" from birth based on their anatomy. Nowadays, parents in the United States are increasingly raising kids outside traditional gender norms, letting them play with the same toys and wear the same clothes.

This "gender-open" style of parenting stands out as it appears very controversial in some circles, as parents do not reveal the sex or gender of their kids to anyone. Even the kids, aware of their body parts and how they differ from others, are not oriented to associate such body parts with being a girl or boy. Thus, if no one knows a kid's sex, such parents theorize the juvenile cannot be pigeonholed into gender stereotypes.

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Parents do not want to put certain emotional expectations

Joshua and Felix Huang were clear about not raising their baby within a set of gender norms when they finally decided to build their own family. They were not comfortable with how people assign gender to babies, which mostly comes with expectations of performing such gender. However, the Huangs did not want to impose emotional expectations on their child.

So, when their baby, Juno, came into their lives, they referred to their child as "them" and "they" and did not specify an exact gender. The couple wants to establish a space where their child can have both safety and freedom to acquire various ways of identifying and expressing gender. Moreover, the couple wants to remind their child that they don't expect them to conform to anything in particular.

Parents raising theybies do not force their children to certain dress codes according to gender stereotypes. These kids are called theybies, a portmanteau of "they" and "baby," per Very Well Family.

Gender neutral-parenting

California, Colorado, Michigan, New Jersey, Oregon, and Washington- and the cities of New York and Washington, D.C., allow parents to put "X" on the child's gender on birth certificates as their options. There's still substantial pushback in the United States over this parenting style, and while many advocates for gender-neutral parenting mainly focus on personal identity, others appear to be scared as it can confuse them and subject them to certain social turmoil.

When raising a theybie, you need to have that patience as not everyone can understand your parenting technique. However, you are not entitled to answer specific questions as you also have the right to refuse and decline them, especially regarding your child. Moreover, this parenting style may not work for everyone; hence, those who employ it provide various benefits of giving children the freedom to explore and eventually name their gender on their own terms.

This type of autonomy can promote increased creativity, confidence, and awareness of their own identity later on. Christia Spears Brown, Ph.D., associate chair of the department of psychology at the University of Kentucky, is a gender-neutral parenting expert both in her research and within her own family. She told Parents that gender-neutral parenting needs to understand the implications and essences of these gender biases and how they might affect both boys and girls.

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