How to Know if You Were Raised by a Highly Critical Parent

Constant criticism from parents can have long-term effects on their children's self-worth and relationships.

What parents do not realize is that the way they treat their children will always have an effect as they grow up and as they live their lives. And, what children do not know is that the treatment of mom and dad can affect not only how they feel about themselves but also the quality of relationships that they have.

According to psychotherapist Seth J. Gillihan PhD, frequent criticism during childhood can result in adults finding it hard to trust themselves.

A parent who is "constantly critical and condescending" can have kids who will grow up looking down on themselves and having serious self-criticism behavior.

16 signs a highly critical parent raised you

The doctor gave out a list of signs for grown-ups to know if they are raised by highly critical parents, and he shared this in his recent article with Psychology Today.

1.One has a hard time trusting his/her self, and doubts one's self constantly.

2. One is hesitant to take on new challenges and chooses to play it safe due to low self-esteem and confidence.

3. It's always difficult to bounce back from mistakes. Self-worth depends on perfection.

4. Thus, one tends to be a perfectionist.

5. Completing a task takes a long time, and would rather miss deadlines just to get things right.

6. Constantly apologizes, and even apologizes for apologizing.

7. One often feels defensive, which can lead other people to get upset for always taking it the wrong way.

8. One has a hard time believing that people like or love him/her, always suspecting that these people are actually fed up with him/her.

9. Thus, one rarely takes compliments to heart, always deflecting compliments with self-criticism.

10. Experiences a lot of social anxiety as what others say, or will say, is always a big deal.

11. The self is the harshest, hardest critic of all.

12. Prone to depression and self-loathing.

13. Critical of others that he/she finds it easy and even automatic to find faults in others.

14. One's relationships with siblings are strained due to trust missing.

15. Overthinking is an automatic behavior.

16. There will always be that need to prove one's self.

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You can break free

Dr. Gillihan offers comfort to those children who are raised by highly critical parents as, fortunately, with consistent practice, one can break free of these automatic, negative reactions and tendencies and develop new healthy habits.

Adapted from the doctor's book entitled "Mindful Cognitive Behavioral Therapy," the following simple exercise can offer one's doorway to freedom.

1. Connect with one's body and breath in the moment. Breathe in and out with gentle awareness, and allow one's self to feel the goodness and lightness of each breath, recognizing all that is right and beautiful in the present.

2. Consider the possibility that one's "defective ways" and "negative views" of self are lies told by someone. It is time to forget those lies and be reminded that there is no defect as imagined by yourself.

3. Do one small thing today and show some kindness to yourself and know that you deserve care instead of criticism. Spend time with people who build up instead of those who look down on you.

Ultimately, Dr. Gillihan recommends that one should guard the mind and heart. Never abandon oneself to negative conditioning. Know one knows you better than yourself.

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