TikTok User Says All-Asian Friend Group Is “Toxic, Gossipers and Rude”; Does Race Matter in Choosing Friends?

By Lucia Paula , Parent Herald Aug 25, 06:49 am

Photo: (Photo : Brooke Cagle on Unsplash)

Earlier this month, a TikTok video by Aden Vu, an 18-year-old user of Vietnamese descent, ignited a firestorm of conversation regarding the underlying biases and prejudices within all-Asian friend groups.

The video, which amassed an astonishing 1.8 million views, has since spawned numerous response videos and polarizing discussions, spotlighting what some describe as the 'dark underbelly' of the Asian American experience: the imposition of certain criteria to define "Asianness."

@purrslaydenCuz most of yall just like yalls parents. Toxic, gossipers, and rude ♬ original sound - chaysten

Expert Opinions: A Caution Against Generalization

In his brief yet impactful video, Vu referred to these all-Asian friend groups as "toxic, gossipers, and rude," creating a ripple effect of agreement and debate across the TikTok platform. While Vu did not provide a detailed analysis of his claims, many users seemed to inherently understand his perspective as they poured in their own anecdotes and experiences of feeling marginalized, judged, or demeaned for not adhering to a specific "Asian mold."

This mold, as described by some users, often emphasizes East Asian heritage, lighter skin tones, and upper-middle-class socioeconomic status as the quintessential benchmarks of Asianness. It's a contentious topic that experts warn should not be generalized.

Yuki Yamazaki, a clinical assistant professor of counseling psychology at Fordham University who specializes in Asian American issues, warns against hasty generalizations. She argued that "there is a lot of diversity within the Asian American experience," urging a nuanced approach to the discourse. However, she did concede that these groups frequently bond over not just race but also shared class and socio-economic status.

Activities such as raving, frequenting high-end Korean BBQ joints, and purchasing expensive boba tea could, even if unintentionally, become factors that exclude others.

Ivan Kao, a 23-year-old TikToker, posted a reflective video that discussed his own transformative journey. Initially a part of an all-Asian friend group, he began to question the group's behavior after diversifying his social circle.

"I took a step back and realized how much more there was to the world," Kao revealed.

He emphasizes that subconsciously favoring similarity can pave the way for discriminatory attitudes over time, thereby stressing the importance of diversifying one's social milieu.

Nazah Mazid, a 25-year-old Bengali American, added an additional layer of complexity to the debate by sharing her struggles with fitting into these all-Asian groups. Despite sharing many common cultural values and family traditions, she often felt singled out because of her South Asian heritage and darker skin tone.

"The exclusion was not just racial but also deeply rooted in issues of class and colorism," she admitted.

The Path Forward: Introspection and Conversations

The conversations have also unintentionally given a platform to the perpetuation of the 'model minority' myth. This stereotype, according to Yamazaki, often values light skin, academic success, and wealth as favorable traits, not just in professional but also social settings.

However, Vu's stance hasn't gone unchallenged. He has faced a range of accusations, from harboring internalized racism to being a "white sympathizer. He defends himself by saying that the sheer number of shared experiences indicates a larger social issue that cannot be ignored.

"I think it's crucial that we've opened up this dialogue; it's a conversation that's long overdue," Vu added.

Nazah Mazid encourages Asian Americans to see this burgeoning debate as an opportunity for self-reflective introspection.

"If nothing else, these discussions should prompt us to evaluate our friendships and question whether they serve as a catalyst for personal growth or unwittingly perpetuate exclusionary practices," she pointed out.

The explosive TikTok discourse serves as both a mirror and a window, reflecting the state of Asian American communities while offering a glimpse into the complexities of racial identity in modern America. Whether one views the discussions as indicative of systemic issues or mere isolated incidents, it's clear that the conversation on what it means to be 'Asian enough' in America is far from over.