Understanding the Phenomenon of 'Touched Out': Moms Share Their Personal Experiences

By Lucia Paula , Parent Herald Sep 18, 09:39 am

Photo: (Photo : Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash)

Amy Malofy, a 39-year-old mom, recently found herself overwhelmed after moving from Nevada to Maryland with her family. Exhausted and trying to find some semblance of order in her new home, she had a breakdown when her daughter sought comfort through touch. In that moment, Malofy realized she was suffering from a phenomenon known as being "touched out."

Dr. Linda Ojo, a reproductive psychiatrist, defines being "touched out" as experiencing "overwhelming discomfort from receiving physical touch after being immersed in physical touch all day long."

What causes sensory overload?

Not just a catchy phrase, being "touched out" is akin to sensory overload, where even the smallest physical touch can feel like too much. Dr. Ojo expands on this by saying, "Being 'touched out' is not just about touch. A lack of personal space and overstimulation from noise and visual cues can also contribute to this overwhelming sensation."

Leslie S., a 34-year-old mom of three, encountered this very overload when her life took a series of challenging turns. With a husband recovering from meniscus knee surgery, one child recently hospitalized, and two more toddlers who were sick for several weeks, she found herself deeply craving solitude and personal space. And yet, despite all the stressors, her children still needed her physical comfort.

Guilt and emotional contradictions

The guilt that accompanies this feeling can be particularly intense for mothers. Leslie found herself torn between wanting to be there for her children and yearning for a moment alone. "My children's desire for physical touch is a natural part of their development. So, feeling 'touched out' made me feel guilty and conflicted," she says.

Saima Toppa, a psychotherapist who focuses on maternal mental health, suggests that this guilt can be counterproductive.

"It's crucial for parents to recognize their limits as part of their self-care regimen," Toppa explains. "If you find yourself constantly on the brink of feeling 'touched out,' it may be a sign that you need to adopt a more proactive self-care strategy."

The dilemma lies in balancing the immense love parents feel for their children with the essential human need for personal boundaries and space. Toppa advises that being "touched out" should serve as a wake-up call for parents, indicating an immediate need for more aggressive self-care measures.

Interestingly, the phenomenon isn't limited to interactions between parents and children. Dr. Ojo reveals that the sensation can even extend to a relationship with a spouse or romantic partner.

"The emotional reserves required for romantic engagement could run dry if a person is already overwhelmed by physical interactions with their children," she notes.

Coping Mechanisms: Steps Toward Balance

Experts recommend setting aside personal time, even if it's just a few minutes, to recharge. Meditation, brief walks, or even locking the bathroom door for a moment of solitude can help. Amy Malofy found her wake-up call in a difficult moment with her daughter.

"After that episode, I became aware that I had to take care of myself to be able to look after her adequately," she confesses.

The experience of being "touched out" is shared by many parents, even if it is not widely discussed. Acknowledging one's limitations is not a sign of failure but an indication that you recognize the need for balance in life. A healthy family environment is built on understanding and mutual respect for each other's emotional and physical space.

So, the next time you find yourself overwhelmed and "touched out," remember that it's not just acceptable but essential to step back and prioritize your well-being. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup.