10 Engaging Questions to Deepen Conversations with Your Kids

By Telita Montales , Parent Herald Oct 13, 11:30 am

Photo: (Photo : Torsten Dederichs on Unsplash)

For many parents, the automatic query upon seeing their children after school has traditionally been, "How was your day?" However, this habit is seeing a shift, thanks to forward-thinking parents eager to foster better communication and genuine connections with their kids.

Yamel Belen, a mother of five from Tampa, Florida, experienced this transformation firsthand. The routine, though well-intentioned, inquiry into her children's day often resulted in uninformative answers. Dissatisfied with responses like "It was good" or "Fine," Belen yearned for a deeper insight into her children's school lives.

Recognizing that the problem might lie in the nature of the question itself, she took matters into her own hands. Instead of a general check-in, Belen began asking more specific and thoughtful questions, such as, "What made you smile today?" or "Who did you sit with at lunch?"

This change in approach brought about a dramatic shift in her children's responses. With over 741,000 views on her TikTok posts about her revamped post-school questioning, it's clear that Belen's method struck a chord with other parents.

The Power of Specificity

While Belen's initiative was personal, her method is supported by professionals. Lesley Koeppel, a Manhattan-based psychotherapist, cautions parents against the habitual "How was your day?" According to her, such generic questions might unintentionally convey a lack of genuine interest in the child's experiences.

Koeppel advocates for inquiries that focus on the child's daily activities and feelings. By asking more targeted questions, parents can show their children that they genuinely care about their day-to-day lives, subsequently boosting their self-esteem.

With the hashtag "#HowWasSchool" gaining over 4.1 million views on TikTok, it's evident that parents across the globe are keen on improving their post-school conversations. Parents are actively seeking and sharing questions that yield more insightful responses from their children.

Hannah Clarneau, a mother of four from Tennessee, is another parent who's championing this movement on social media. With a video that received 1.9 million views, she showcases the effectiveness of specific questions, such as inquiries about school lunch preferences or recess activities.

The shift from a general question to specific ones has led parents to discover surprising facets of their children's lives. Take, for instance, Lisett Bohannon from Austin, Texas. After updating her after-school questioning, she learned about her 8-year-old daughter's entrepreneurial ventures at school. Billie, her daughter, had established a business of trading handmade bracelets for tickets redeemable at the school store.

The importance of establishing a strong bond with children cannot be overstated, especially in today's digital age. Parents of Gen Z children are continuously exploring ways to enhance family ties. From establishing unique text messaging codes to sharing beds, they're trying varied methods to remain connected.

Belen, Clarneau, and others serve as inspirations in this endeavor, proving that sometimes all it takes is a simple, well-thought-out question to bridge the gap.

Refreshing Ways to Check-In

For parents seeking an alternative to the standard "How was your day?", here are some thought-provoking questions:

Who did you sit next to on the bus, and what did you talk about?
Were there any acts of kindness at school today?
Did anyone do something funny during recess?
How did you feel about lunch today?
Who was the most engaging during sports practice today?
Who were your playmates on the playground?
Which classmate do you find the most comforting?
Is there anyone in class you find challenging to be around?
When you're upset at school, who can you confide in?
Did anyone face any consequences at school today?

Such queries not only provide insight into the child's day but also strengthen the parent-child bond.