New Year's resolutions represent a cultural tradition where millions of people set out to make meaningful changes in their lives. As parents, you might naturally wonder whether the same practice could benefit your children. More specifically, you might ask whether you should be the one setting these goals or encouraging them to set their own.
The idea of setting New Year's resolutions is popular, but research shows that most adults struggle to maintain them. Statistics indicate that nearly 80% of New Year's resolutions are abandoned by February, and only about 6% last beyond a year.
Despite these sobering numbers, studies also show that when support and structure are in place, resolution success rates can improve significantly. This finding applies equally to children.
Child-Led Goals Work Better Than Parent-Imposed Ones
The most important distinction to understand is this: children are far more likely to achieve and maintain goals they set themselves rather than goals imposed upon them. Research in self-determination theory reveals that when children feel autonomous, their intrinsic motivation increases. When children have a voice in what they are trying to achieve, they pursue goals because they genuinely want to, not because they are trying to please someone else.
When parents instead set goals for their children, the outcome often backfires. Studies show that excessive parental control over children's goals, particularly higher-order goals like career aspirations or life direction, is associated with lower motivation, reduced self-confidence, and even academic underperformance. Children who feel pressured by parental expectations may internalize criticism, develop anxiety, or link their self-worth entirely to their ability to meet those expectations.
This does not mean parents should step back entirely. Instead, the research points to a specific parenting style that works: autonomy support. Autonomy-supportive parents guide their children through the goal-setting process by asking questions, offering choices, and providing meaningful feedback without imposing their own vision of what their child should achieve.
For example, rather than telling your child "you need to improve your math grade this year," an autonomy-supportive approach involves asking questions like "Is there anything you would like to work on this year?" or "What would make you feel proud of yourself?" Once your child identifies a goal, parents can then help break it down into smaller, manageable steps and provide encouragement along the way.
How to Involve Your Child in Goal-Setting
The goal-setting process should be child-led from the start. Begin by asking your child what they would like to achieve, whether it is learning a new skill, reading more books, being kinder to siblings, or improving in a specific subject. Listen without judgment and help them explore why that goal matters to them.
Once a goal is identified, introduce the concept of SMART goals, which are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. A vague goal like "be better at sports" becomes more concrete when broken down: "Practice basketball for 20 minutes, three times a week, for the next three months." This helps children track progress and celebrate small wins.
For younger children (ages 4-7), keep goals simple and short-term, like organizing their toys or trying a new food. Use visual trackers with stickers or charts. Children are highly visual learners, and seeing their progress displayed can maintain motivation. For older children and teens, involve them in more complex goal-setting that includes longer timelines and multiple steps.
