Big Mistakes In Post-Divorce Parenting

Divorcing parents is one of the hardest things that a child could deal with. 

Some couple would think that having a divorce is better than living together in lies. In divorced couples, it is important to still work together as parents for their child or children.

In a situation where couples are no longer living together and divorced, they need to coparent their children in a right way. As posted in Huff Post, emotions are high after a divorce. Parents will find it very hard to cooperate with each other according to Dr. Peggy Kruger Tietz, a licensed psychologist, author, and a social worker.

In coparenting, both parents need to recognize and avoid mistakes and should make amends for their children. Cooperation of divorced parents is a big thing.

Not all situations are easy to control in co-parenting and here are some common mistakes to avoid:

1.      Don't criticize your ex in front of your children because your children are still the flesh and blood of you and your ex. Saying bad things about your ex will make your children guilty and have a psychological effect. It lowers a child's self-esteem that can affect their life.

2.      Don't alienate your child to the other parent because your child may seed anger to the other parent. An American psychiatrist, Richard Alan Gardner termed this as "Parent Alienation Syndrome" or "PAS" and he considers this a disorder where the child will belittle the other parent.  The cause of this is when the other parent talks more often to the child about bad things done by their ex.

3.       Don't let the child or children choose between parents. Children in nature has their loyalty for both parents and it would be hard for them to choose sides. Children who are often placed in a situation of choosing who to stay with will grow a feeling of awkwardness towards their other parent. Children will be resentful and will make them angry.

4.      Losing your temper may always happen when talking with your ex. Your ex could be the person who knows you best and knows how to trigger your anger. When you are angry with each other, this makes your co-parenting less effective and your children will suffer the consequences.

5.      Don't make your child a messenger to your ex. It is common that divorced parents doesn't want to talk to each other and will relay their message through their children. It will make the child feeling torn between the two of you. Your child may think that there is still a big conflict that will never be resolved if you continue to do it this way. There are things that you need to talk to directly as co-parents without the need of your children knowing what it is about.

Divorced parents should try to make amends and they should understand the whole situation because this is  for the good of both sides and most importantly, for the children. 

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