Want A Happy Marriage After Kids? Divide Your Household Chores Equally

By Sylvia Smith, Parent Herald January 11, 11:50 am

Children should generally be a reason for joy and happiness, but for two parents to be able to spend time in bliss, the chores around the house should be managed first! Once children arrive into your life you will notice that the number of household tasks dramatically increase both in number and difficulty. What once seemed almost trivial and easily manageable will now appear overtaxing and despairing. Many couples find themselves arguing over aspects of their lives that didn't seem to be a problem before having kids. Small nothings easily turn into reasons to fight, discussions escalate and tempers flare as if every evening were bonfire night. So, how do married couples with kids manage to keep their wits together, you ask? By being organized first and foremost and by implementing these steps of action:

1. Try constant work and effort.

Parenting, like other lifelong experiences, requires constant effort and continuous work. This is typically not a one man or woman show for a single parent to deal with. Like any other time consuming and nerve wrecking issue, it should be reasoned, clearly planned out and organized in order for it to be managed successfully. First of all, you should consider the serious implications and consequences this event can have over your life. Accepting the facts is a must for you to be able to handle things well later on. Do not expect your partner to be the only one to be implicated in these matters, even if he or she does have more knowledge in this field. Make a list of the necessary tasks and divide them between the two of you. Take your jobs and spare time into consideration when doing so, and decide on the best course of action only after settling these affairs. And, maybe most important of all, keep at it! It might be hard and tiring at first, but if you become lenient and gradually find excuses to complete your share of the work, it will only leave the other person exhausted, and disaster will soon ensue.

2. Be realistic and prioritize.

There is no such thing as a superhuman who can deal with everything starting from parenting, home chores, work tasks to personal activities. Whether you like it or not, you will be forced to forsake some things in favor of others. Even with the help of your partner, your lifestyle will inevitably change once you have children and your relaxation hours and old hobbies will no longer be at the top of your list. This, however, does not mean you should relinquish them entirely! The key to success is to prioritize. You can still do the things that you want to do, just not in the same rhythm and for the same amount of time that you used to. As long as you realize that you need to balance both work and leisure in order to be functional and productive, the situation will substantially improve. Choose the tasks on your to do list in order of importance and urgency while remembering that the degree of work that you do also requires a certain amount of time to recharge your batteries.

3. Be inventive and find alternatives.

Quitting in the middle of doing something or overworking yourself is not the way towards a satisfying ending. Since it's impossible for you to deal with everything, looking for alternatives and taking advantage of certain middle ground solutions is a good strategy at times. Ask for assistance from your parents or a professional when possible. Grandparents should be a part of your children's lives and assisting you now and again can be more pleasurable for them than you might think. Having a maid might not be something everyone can afford or like, but a close friend under the guise of a trusting babysitter can sometimes do wonders. In extreme situations, when you and your spouse are required to manage an urgent business or family matter, outside help doesn't seem so unreasonable. So, why then should you avoid it altogether just because it's a "normal" Friday night?

4. Learn from others.

Many people have the mistaken impression that asking for advice or copying others' example would diminish their efforts or minimize the importance of that aspect in their lives. In truth, being open-minded and willing to learn from others is a clear sign of how interested and invested you are in the matter at hand. It is only natural to search for other available routes when your own seems to be insufficient at times. It's irrational and stupid to avoid other possibilities out of principle, instead of being thankful.

At the end of the day, all that matters is whether you've gotten things done in a decent manner. It's not who or what influenced you along the way.

Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy, happy marriages. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Google+ and Pinterest.

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