Talking to Your Kids About Consent and Sexual Assault

The early you speak about sexual consent and sexual assault, the better, according to experts. Below are ways on how to talk to your kids about sexual consent and sexual assault.

We teach our children strategies for staying safe and healthy, like keeping an eye on the stove and looking both ways before crossing the street. On the other hand, body protection is often not taught until a child is much older - and by then, it is sometimes too late.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), one out of every six boys and one out of every four girls is sexually assaulted before 18. Do you want to hear anything even more terrifying? Just 10% of perpetrators were strangers to the boy, according to the US Department of Justice (nsopw.org), and 23% of perpetrators were children themselves!

These statistics are not surprising, though parents frequently say that they didn't think this could happen to them. That they never leave their children with strangers. That they always keep their children within their eyesight.

Do your children go on playdates or to daycare or preschool? Do you have friends or family over to your house? Do they play at the neighbor's house? The fact is, you cannot entirely prevent the risk of your child being sexually abused.

Yet, allowing our children to go out into the world and connect with others is essential. You may, however, arm them with information that can help them from becoming victims.

READ: Should Sex Ed Start as Early as Kindergarten? Experts Say Yes

Here are things you can tell your kids about sexual consent and sexual assault:

Parents do not often speak about body protection with their children early enough. They believe that children are too young. It's just too frightening. But it's never too early to start, and it doesn't have to be a frightening conversation.

Children are ready to learn about the fundamentals of sexual assault as soon as they understand human relationships. It's about authority, consent, boundaries, agency, mental health, toxic dynamics, coercion, and standing up for what's correct.

Many of these principles can and should be taught to children well before they are mature enough to understand the meanings. In reality, if you give violent ideas to teenagers without providing them with a relationship background, they will have a much harder time understanding real-life abusive behavior, which often starts slowly. Ninety-three percent of children who have been sexually abused know who the perpetrator is.

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Never use victim-blaming words in your writing. Abuse is often the responsibility of the attacker and his or her enablers, not the victim. We're getting better at understanding this; for example, it's widely accepted that we shouldn't focus on a victim's clothing during an attack. However, there is still a lot of overt victim-blaming language out there, which should be avoided when speaking to children.

React in a relaxed manner. When a child reports violence to an adult, the adult must ensure the child's safety by following the following rules: Listen to the victim and learn the facts. "I believe you," you say. Maintain your composure and be helpful. Tell the survivor that the violence hasn't changed who they are; they're still the same person. 

Help the victim heal through counseling.

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Keep yourself informed. The majority of parents have no idea what to do if their child or a child's friend has been harmed. Do your homework. If you keep your child updated, they will be confident that the adults in their lives will look out for them.

Encourage the formation of alliances. Parents should empower their children to help victims by acting as allies. This does not imply donning a mask and flying down an alley to rescue others but instead taking constructive action when it is safe to do so. They must, of course, never take part in the abusive acts.