Platonic Co-Parenting: More Single, Middle-Aged Adults Are Raising a Baby Together

platonic co-parenting co-parenting Friends With Benefits Ian Joliet long-term relationship biological clock LGBTQ community middle-aged Long-time friends Jay Guercio Krystle Purificato co-parenting sites

By Lilian Scott , Parent Herald Nov 14, 05:28 pm

More single people in their 40s are making a platonic co-parenting pact to raise a baby together sans love or romantic attachments. Some call this pact the new twist to "friends with benefits" but with a child in the middle of it all.

Ian Joliet, 40, wrote in an essay on Newsweek, that he broached the idea to co-parent a baby with his friend, Lindsay. After a series of failed long-term relationships, Joliet felt that his lovelife was never going to get anywhere.

Lindsay, on the other hand, was running against time as her biological clock was winding down. At the height of the pandemic, Joliet popped the question to his friend -- would she consider raising a child with him? She agreed without any hesitation.

Their baby, conceived in a natural way, because it is the "most straightforward way of getting pregnant," is in the final trimester of Lindsay's pregnancy. She and Ian are not living together but they are bent on moving in for the child's early years.

Steady Rise in Friends as Co-Parents

Per BBC, there are plenty of reasons for two unattached people to agree to raise a child together. While it is a fairly new phenomenon, the trend is steadily growing among the middle-aged set, long-time friends, the LGBTQ community, and some special cases.

The decision might be controversial for some people but Joliet said that he and Lindsay are "very happy and very comfortable" with their setup. It's the same case for best friends Jay Guercio and Krystle Purificato who decided to get married and raise together Eddy, 15, a foster child.

Guercio and Purificato professed they do not have a sexual or romantic interest in each other but they've been the happiest in this long-term relationship. They have been best friends for more than a decade and they are also on the same page of wanting "stability, partnership, teamwork, and communication" more than sex and love.

Platonic Co-Parenting Sites Becoming Popular

Since it's the digital age, a number of websites have surfaced in recent years as a platform for people who want to be matched with someone whom they could co-parent. Sites like Coparents.Com, FamilyByDesign.Org, or Modamily.Com have had a surge in membership, especially from a gay man and a straight woman, according to Ivan Fatovic, Modamil's founder.

On these sites, members can arrange for eggs or sperm donors, shared parenting, or even surrogate concierge. Interestingly, however, the members said that the first phases of finding a match on these platforms are a lot like courtship. Once they get to the nitty-gritty of their arrangement, they discuss things like jobs, houses or mortgage, school options, their finances, investments and insurance, religion, and hospital choices for the birth just to see if they perfectly match up.

For these non-couples, the disconnect from romance makes parenting very simple because there are no expectations from each other. Every decision they make is centered on the child's welfare. Sometimes, a fight may erupt but since there are no romantic feelings involved, the platonic co-parents can work out their issues better than actual couples.