What Parents Should Know About Their Children Coming Out as Part of the LGBTQIA Community

LGBTQIA+ LGBTQIA Community John Thompson Division of Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine Anne Fausto-Sterling Melissa Hines Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children

By Camille Hutchison , Parent Herald Aug 15, 08:35 pm

Adolescence is the dawn of sexual attraction and happens due to the changes or hormones of puberty. Such changes both include the body and the mind.

These new feelings can be intense, confusing, and can sometimes become overwhelming. Teens are starting to discover what it means to be attracted romantically and physically to others. Hence, recognizing one's sexual orientation is part of that process.

According to John Thompson, Master of Social Work (MSW) in the Division of Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine, breaching the topics of sexual orientation and gender identity with a child can become an anxiety-provoking thought for most parents. Many parents shy away from such conversations as they are terrified that it will lead to a discussion about sex that they feel might be inappropriate for the child's age.

Such gestures speak to parents' discomfort and lack of knowledge about the subject. They should establish an environment that embraces curiosity, normalizes difference, and encourages respect. Parents need to do some self-reflection and educate themselves, per Children's Hospital Los Angeles.

How toddlers play may provide clues to their sexual orientation

Several parents took the blame on their child's sexuality. They asked themselves if they did something wrong on why their children changed the genders they were born in or questioned their parenting style as a factor that would affect their child's decision to come out. Still, if the reason was the parenting style, other children in the family would be attracted to same-sex marriage as well.

A study tracked more than 4,500 children over the first 15 years of their lives to know the answer to one of the most argumentative and controversial concerns in the field of social sciences. On the other hand, the objects and people the kids play with as early as toddlerhood may raise clues to their eventual sexual orientation.

A professor emerita of biology and gender studies at Brown University, Anne Fausto-Sterline, defined the study as one of the best she has ever seen. But according to her, the study does not answer questions on how toys or different behaviors affect the sexual identity of children and how it develops.

Melissa Hines, a psychologist at the University of Cambridge in the United Kingdom, turned to data from the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children as she seeks to improve on the earlier research. The study includes thousands of children born in the 1990s. Hines and her Cambridge colleague, Gu Li, analyzed male-typical or female-typical play as the parents observed and reported various aspects of their kid's behavior.

The team found that children with ages ranging from 3-5-year-old group engaged in gender-conforming play were likely to report being heterosexual at the age of 15, while the teenagers who reported being gay, lesbian, or not strictly heterosexual were more likely to engage in gender-nonconforming play.

According to Science Org, the same pattern holds true when the teenager's choices are expanded to a five-point spectrum ranging from 100 percent heterosexual to 100 percent homosexual.

Recognizing and showing support for what your child feels

Studies show that when parents show support to their children, it can make coming out a lot easier and helps them be confident and resilient, and they are likely to have better physical and mental health before coming out. It can also strengthen the relationship if you find out what is happening to your young ones and how you can support them just as you would with any other issue.

According to Parent Link, young ones whose parents decline have higher mental and physical health problems, including risk-taking behavior, drug use, self-harm, depression, and suicide attempts. Children are at high risk of homelessness if their parents let them feel that they are left out due to their chosen sexual identity, and if the conflict becomes too great, it can be one of the main reasons for them, to move out.