Mom Shares the Most Toxic Parenting Style She Never Used on Her Children

helicopter parenting parenting style Esther Wojcicki

By Jo Anne Hubert , Parent Herald Sep 20, 01:48 am

A mother who raised three successful, highly-accomplished children said parenting is challenging. She does not take credit for all her children's accomplishments, yet she believes that, in one way or another, the parenting approach chosen and utilized by parents can make or break their children's character and future.

Esther Wojcicki is labeled as the "mother of Super Family." She is the mother who raised two CEOs-Susan, CEO of YouTube and Anne, co-founder and CEO of 23AndMe, a company that helps people discover their DNA story; and a third child, Janet, a doctor and professor in the medical school at the University of California, San Francisco.

She is the godmother of Silicon Valley, a legendary educator, journalist, speaker, and the author of the famous book "How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results."

While she was still writing her book and after it was released, many have been asking about the kind of parenting style she practiced to have raised a "superfamily.'' Yet, as she shared, what everybody really wants to know is the worst parenting approach there is.

She can only think of one parenting style that is the most toxic-helicopter parenting.

What is helicopter parenting?

What kids need in this day and age is not to be controlled and not to be overprotected. Kids must be allowed to take responsibility for their own lives and future.

Helicopter parenting creates the opposite. Also called "snowplow parenting," this approach creates hyper-involved parents that "disempowers children." Parents that use this style constantly remove obstacles in front of their kids so that the latter do not need to face or deal with challenges and frustrations, producing kids who fear taking risks, are dependent and always need help, and lack creativity.

Helicopter parenting is doing everything for their kids and ensuring not only that their present needs are met but also the needs that children do not know they even need yet.

It is not wrong for parents to provide for everything. For sure, helicopter parents have the best of intentions. However, they tend to forget that too much of something will always not go well for their children. Studies have shown that this kind of parenting prevents children from developing self-control and problem-solving skills, so they can navigate and manage conflicts independently and build an identity independent of their parents. At the start, the kids are provided with everything, yet in the end, the kids will suffer.

But of course, parents should know how to do the balancing act. They cannot go to the other extreme. They should also not just leave their kids alone and by themselves to cope. Parents should allow their children to face challenges that are age appropriate and give them jobs that are theirs to do alone, something that they can be proud of after doing. Let them make small decisions. Parents need to have a break and stop "over-monitoring" their children.

TRICK

Wojcicki believes parents and teachers can empower kids to be independent thinkers and be self-confident.

She suggests following this simple "TRICK" - an acronym for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness. These five values are her formula for parenting her kids.

1. Trust

Trust has to start with the parents. When they are confident with their choices, they can trust their children to take the needed steps toward empowerment.

2. Respect

Done are the age and time when parents keep telling their children who they should be, what their life should look like, or what profession they should pursue. Parents need to accept and respect that their children are independent and have unique and separate dreams and goals from theirs. Respect whatever gift the child has; as a parent, it is one's responsibility to nurture that gift.

3. Independence

Parents should accept that their children may be their own, but they do not own them. Practice independence strongly founded on trust and respect. Independent kids can cope with adversity, setbacks, and boredom, which are all unavoidable in life.

4. Collaboration

Collaborate and work together as a family. Allow and encourage children to contribute to conversations and discussions, make decisions, and even make them a part of the discipline process.

5. Kindness

Teach and show children what real kindness is-gratitude and forgiveness, service towards others, and an awareness that there is a world outside of themselves.