Parents Say Yes to 'Yes Hour' to Raise Independent Kids

Yes Hour Raising Independent Kids parenting style parenting approach Getting Out of the Box Choices & Consequences

By Jo Anne Hubert , Parent Herald Oct 29, 12:06 pm

Parents are saying yes to "Yes Hour" - said to be a subtle parenting approach to bring up and nurture independent children.

Raising kids involves daily decision making. Making a choice between the dos and don'ts of the society and what the parent's heart is saying. It is a tough "balancing-act" as Pooja Sardana, a mother of 2 children, an entrepreneur, philosopher, traveler, and passionate supporter of gender equality described.

Parents do not want to risk the consequences of being too controlling lest they regret the consequences of kids being pushed away from the "safe space" of their family and seeking life, identity and affirmation in the social media instead.

This is where Sardana's "Yes Hour" comes in.

Every Thursday in their house, she implemented a "Yes Hour" where the children can do what they want and where she has said yes to the weirdest of things like allowing an undomesticated cat inside their home, bunked school for couch and TV time, created pandemonium for the neighbors, and served ice-cream on dinnertime.

Choices & consequences of actions

Asked why she decided on having a "Yes Hour," she explained that she wants her children to go out of the box, something that she had a difficulty doing during her younger years.

She started off believing that her generation was brought up in a box filled with all the norms and expectations one should follow and live up to - respecting elders was a must because it would earn parents and children a good reputation, the best of career was only found in engineering, or medicine or accounting, ambition was sacred and defined by nothing else but the amount of money you earn, and lastly marriage was the" most important final deliverable for the parents."

She doesn't want her kids to be in that same box. She wants them to know that there are choices and that what they choose can be better for them than what society says is best for them.

"My parenting mission, therefore, is to build in my kids a sense of agency from a young age. I want them to know that you always have a choice and equally importantly, that you have to handle the consequences of your actions," Sardana stated.

Saying yes to everything is dangerous, and kids should learn that

Moreover, the "Yes Hour" has also made both parents and kids realize that saying yes to all things at all times is dangerous and unhealthy. Sardana learned that having no guardrails and always fulfilling their wishes, in the hope of becoming this cool, best parents ever, created an indiscipline and "brattish" attitude to her younger son, and a lack of direction to her eldest daughter.

According to her, a senior educator in the life-skills space told her once that open approach to a child's education and career, telling kids that they can be anything they want but not providing the foundation and training for children to make decisions can lead to more confusion for the latter. It is quite difficult for children to grow into adulthood believing they can do everything but not having the right tools to know what they want to do and how to do it.

The 'yes-hour' filled that gap for Sardana. It allowed the family to experience pushing the boundaries together and learning the basics of patience, cause and effect, consequences of one's action, and listening to one's voice.

Thus, it took 4 months of patience, understanding, and daily bonding to get the undomesticated cat into the house for an hour. They had a TV-watching marathon after school only to realize that playing with friends is more fun and energizing. They bunked school and someone missed getting a new locker. They made ice-cream for dinner and discovered that they have a kitchen enthusiast who now loves to make pancakes for the parents every Sunday.

Parents can also go for a "Yes Day." She actually intended to try that out but her smart mother reminded her that kids can be so smart that once they are given an inch, they will take a mile. Make sure that the ground rules are clear before you start, because it should not be "free-for-all." The rules aren't meant as buzzkills or to make a parent less committed but these will actually make the day more efficient and effective for both parent and child.