Many parents use Santa as a tool to manage their children's behavior during the holiday season. The idea involves telling children that Santa is watching and will only bring gifts to those who behave well. This approach often produces quick results, but research suggests it carries real costs that extend well beyond Christmas Day.
The appeal of using Santa for behavior management is widespread among families. Parents turn to this tactic because it seems to work immediately when children are difficult or misbehaving. However, what appears to be a harmless holiday tradition may actually be undermining the behaviors parents hope to build.
A national poll released in December 2024 by the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children's Hospital found that 1 in 4 parents (25%) of children ages 3 to 5 have threatened their child with "no Santa" or "no gifts" to manage misbehavior.
The same study found that nearly half of parents admitted to using bribes (promising a reward) to get children to comply.
Some parents also use the "Elf on the Shelf" tactic, which involves using an elf doll that is said to report behavior back to Santa. Data from YouGov indicates that while about 36% of parents with young children have an Elf in their home, only 22% of those parents say they use it specifically to make their children behave better.
How the Santa Strategy Backfires
Young children have difficulty understanding delayed gratification, especially when rewards are weeks away. Promising that good behavior will earn gifts from Santa 25 days later is far less persuasive than an immediate consequence. Most children receive presents on Christmas regardless of their behavior throughout the year, which teaches them that the Santa threat is not real. Once children realize the threat has no actual enforcement, its power disappears.
The bigger concern involves what researchers call intrinsic motivation. This is a child's internal drive to behave well because it is the right thing to do. When behavior is tied to external rewards like presents, children begin to view good behavior as something they do only to earn a reward. After Christmas passes and the promise of gifts disappears, so does the motivation to maintain those improved behaviors.
Using Santa as a behavioral threat also carries psychological risks that extend into adolescence and adulthood. Research shows that children whose behavior is managed through fear-based tactics experience increased anxiety during childhood and later in their teenage years. These children may also become less well-adjusted as adults, with lingering difficulties in forming healthy relationships and making sound decisions.
Expressing disappointment in a child for being on the "naughty list" is a form of shaming that works as a discipline tactic. Studies indicate that shaming children correlates with increased anxiety and aggression. Additionally, persistent fear and anxiety during childhood can disrupt how a developing brain processes information and affect a child's ability to learn, form memories, and respond appropriately to real threats.
A Better Approach for Holiday Discipline
Child development research strongly supports using positive reinforcement instead. This approach focuses on rewarding and recognizing good behavior rather than threatening punishment for bad behavior. Praising a child when they handle disappointment well, or acknowledging their kindness toward a sibling, teaches them to repeat these actions because they feel good. Children are not motivated by fear of consequences.
Natural and logical consequences also prove more effective than Santa-based threats. A natural consequence allows a child to experience the direct result of their choice. For instance, if they refuse to bring a jacket, they feel cold. A logical consequence is one a parent sets in advance and explains clearly. For example, a parent might say that if a child does not help get ready for a holiday gathering, they will miss the first activity. Both types teach responsibility and problem-solving because the connection between the behavior and the outcome is immediate and clear.
