Parenting Tweens More Stressful Than Dealing With Toddlers & Moms Have It Worst, Says Psychologist

The toddler years might be an exhausting time for parents but a psychologist says that it's nothing compared to parenting in the tween years. Between the ages of 11 and 12, which would be when puberty begins, children experience several changes biologically and behaviorally that dealing with them can be a source of stress for parents.

Psychology professor Suniya Luthar said that the tween years is when children learn to "separate" from their parents. As kids discover their individuality, however, they could also become "withdrawn, closed off, moody, or defiant" towards their moms and dads, Luthar told Independent.

The change in attitude brings a big shift in the family dynamics and it can make relationships more challenging, rocky and tense. Between the mother and father, however, it's moms who deal with these changes more frequently, hence they absorb more stress as well.

Luthar cites that this is because moms are used to being the "first responders" for their children. When toddlers cry, it's moms -- not dads -- who immediately attend to their needs.

The mother's role as the primary caregiver remains the same by the time a child reaches puberty. Except in this situation, she deals with a distant and distressed tween as opposed to a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Luthar, who has done as study on mothers and tweens that was published via the National Health Institutes, said parenting tweens can also leave the adults "confused and bewildered." Her team, however, is doing further studies to explore effective methods that could help parents deal with this phase.

The psychologist advised moms in a column via Academic Minute not to forget to take care of their well-being during this challenging period. Mothers should receive ample support from other family members or foster self-growth and improvement as well, so as not to descend into depression or anxiety.

The bright spot to parenting tweens is that the kids will outgrow this phase eventually. There are many parents who were challenged by their youngsters, who now enjoy a good relationship with their adult children.