Intrusive Parenting: The Effects Of Perfectionism On Children

People are already familiar with the various parenting styles, as well as the advantages and disadvantages of hyper-parenting, permissive, authoritative, free-range, helicopter and submarine parenting methods. But recently, a study from the National University of Singapore (NUS) revealed the dark side of intrusive parenting.

What Is Intrusive Parenting?

Based on the book titled, "Intrusive Parenting: How Psychological Control Affects Children and Adolescents," intrusive parenting is defined as a parental psychological control. It can also be the manipulative parental behaviors and interaction pattern that often have a negative effect on child development.

The Dark Side Of Intrusive Parenting

According to the five-year study of the National University of Singapore (NUS), children with intrusive or perfectionist parents may be prone to depression and anxiety as they become "overly critical" with themselves. NUS Department of Psychology researchers also discovered that parents' overreaction when children make mistakes or have poor academic performance may lead to "unintended consequences."

"As a result, the child may become afraid of making the slightest mistake and will blame himself or herself for not being 'perfect,'" assistant professor and lead study author Ryan Hong said, as per The New Paper Online. "Over time, such behavior, known as maladaptive perfectionism, may be detrimental to the child's well-being as it increases the risk of the child developing symptoms of depression, anxiety and even suicide in very serious cases."

Hong also added that the findings of the study have underscored the fact that intrusive parents may set "unrealistically high expectations" on children, citing the society's criteria for academic excellence. Hence, children are afraid to commit mistakes and admit failures. They also become wary on asking for help.

The Negative Impacts Of Intrusive Parenting And Perfectionism

Due to intrusive parenting and perfectionism, "tiger" parents often have a hard time accepting their children's mistakes, failures and poor performance. They also become more sensitive to failure and worse, they may result in what is known as "love withdrawal," as a way of guilt-tripping when their child disobeyed them.

Thanks to the overbearing parental intrusiveness, children may feel unhappy, more upset, less competent and less confident, making them vulnerable to depression and anxiety. Intrusive parenting can also be damaging on the self-worth and esteem of their children, The Chinese University of Hong Kong notes.

How To Stop The Damaging Effects Of Intrusive Parenting

Since intrusive parenting can potentially damage children's lives, as said by Claire Perry on The Telegraph article, NUS professor Ryan Hong is urging parents to stop pushing their kids too far. He also stressed to give children a "conducive environment" for learning, where they are allowed to commit mistakes.

Hong is also calling the attention of parents to stop blaming their children if they fail to reach their expectations or if they have a poor academic performance. Instead, parents should praise their children's achievements whether big or small.

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